A red flag is a warning…not a challenge!!!
Well for most people, this applies….and then there is me
Ive collected that many red flags, i could supply the Buddhist’s with materials they use to mass produce their prayer flags.
In my defense, i didn’t know they were red flags at the time.
I thought they were handsome things, although admittedly maybe a little broken.
Often hostile, but perhaps a glimmer of kindness in there somewhere?
Flags with a sense of entitlement with behaviour to match, demeaning, belittling, intimidating, you name it.
Some flags needing the constant praise, validation, admiration, but never reciprocating the endless quantities of love reciprocating.
Some exploiting my kindness for weakness, take, take, taking all the time….more and more to the point of breaking….oh I almost forgot…and then I was the issue…it was MY fault they behaved like that.
Flags blatantly waving around irresponsibility and unaccountibility, with a nice shade of unreliability for good measure.
My red flags didn’t remain exclusive to intimate relationships in case this reads like a biography of the bad choices of men in my life .
This spans out into my entire world. I’m talking about all relationships- family, friends, bosses, co-workers,the dude packing shelves at tesco, the lady serving coffee at costa, no exclusivity here.
But because I didnt realise I was a walking, talking magnet to my flags, I could never understand some of the following;
Why was I in their story?
Why were they in mine?
At some point, had I displayed some form of their behaviour patterns, and if so why?
Was I still displaying them, and if so what was I doing about that?
Where was my need, want, desire to help, fix or love to death others that had no issues walking across me leaving me depleated beyond words?
What was even more conflicting was why in the name of god had I allowed each and every red flag in my life to fly at full mast, defying the winds that blew them?
Answer….I didn’t know they were red flags.
I thought they were challenges.
I thought, felt, believed with certainty If I could make those red flags see me, want me, love me, trust me, acknowledge me, appreciate and value me, then id know all of those things for myself too.
I thought I had to fight for them, hence my love for a good old challenge!
I didn’t know they were red flags, and I didn’t realise I didn’t need to fight for a single thing, that I was enough just as I am.
Forgive yourself for flying your red flags way longer than what was necessary
When you get to the point of understanding their presence in your world, you will never wave another again.