“You didn’t come here to ‘make the choice’.
You already made it.
You’re here to try to understand ‘Why’ you made it.”
So this came up on my fb feed today. I instantly felt huge resistance to it the second i read it. I posted it a year ago and fb reminded me this morning that apparently a year ago I loved it.
Today, meh, not so much!
Awwww the gift of resistance eh!?
WHY? The question with a million potential answers!
Why do we choose anything we choose?
Why have we chosen anything we did?
I could compartmentalise the statement just fine when it came to the conscious choices I made in the past – I believed on some level I would feel better in the ‘having’ of what it was that I wanted.
Sometimes that worked out, other times not, and that’s fine
Where I struggled today was with those subconscious choices I made – a.k.a ‘the life lesson’ stuff, the bigger stuff.
It’s in those places that upon reflection, I frustratingly found myself thinking ‘some days I have really and truly gone and fucked myself over with the lessons I've come in here to grow from’. (Witness my human reacting kicking and screaming)
Of course the higher aspect of myself knows what's going down, and why I have created the experiences that I have, which I personally believe is for my highest growth and expansion.
Most days i have limitless gratitude for the growth spurts and relentless expansion.( higher knowing, unconditional love central)
However some days, (like today) my very human self thinks my higher self is an absolute dick.
“You came here to understand WHY you made the choice Melissa” it reminds me…grrrrrrr
Days like today I don’t want to delve ‘deeper into my stuff’, I just want an instant remedy or the antidote to my bullshit so I can get back to the zen space.
Some days I want to bask in the shit pit that once was my ignorance to understanding the depths of what self-love is really all about.
Some days I want to spew projections irresponsibly on those who come close enough to trigger my shit and let them know that they (who me?? not me!!) have just detonated every bomb in the minefield of my head.
Some days I want to say ‘fuck this shit’ and light a fire under all my stuff, and fall into the same deep sleep that bitch Aurora (sleeping beauty) got away with doing for as long as she did
Then that wiser, more loving, more patient higher aspect of me, very subtly makes herself known and felt to me.
A presence so great, its impossible to ignore.
A stillness, and a silence so deafening its impossible not to hear!
A love so profound its impossible not to feel and she just smiles compassionately and says….”are we done yet”?
The now identified ‘teenage version’ of the self looks up at her totally disarmed by the love and meekly replies…”yes” and the love envelops her.
The point im wanting to make as we find ourselves reflecting on our WHY’S during these strange peculiar times is this…(from my perspective)
It’s okay to feel what you feel when you feel it, just dont stay there! You don’t need to anymore. You don’t belong there now.
It’s okay to express what you want to say out loud, rather than supress it, just don’t be that asshole who forgets to own their shit, and don’t be reckless with your words!
Its ok to hear something that strikes you hard enough with capacity to reopen old wounds, just dont touch the wound.
Dont go hinging your worth on somthing or somebody else’s distorted perspective on the their world, and allow it to impact you personally- its none of your god damn business how they view the world, but it becomes your business and your responsibility the moment you allow it to impact you.
And it’s O.K to go grab a shower, wash it all away with the suds and start afresh with a new vantage point once it’s all out of your system.