The cause of all problems is mind. No exemptions" ~ Michael Singer.
I'm aware of it, but still this feeling burns literally through my physical body.
The feeling is looking for my attention, and so I give it.
I let it have it's way, silently observing, not touching.
As I think, my body feels like it's going to explode. Like built up energy, now pressurised, with no where to go.
Waves of emotion ripple through me. I allow them to flow.
The waves are energised by the thoughts.
The thoughts flood the mind.
The mind exacerbates everything I feel like I'm "going through" , everything that is "happening to me" from the minds perspective.
As I write, observe, feel, It feels like I'm witnessing myself have some sort of 'out of body' experience while I'm IN my body having it.
The actual reality of my 'now moment' is I'm lying on the sofa with my feet up, listening to Suntara soothe my very being with his music.
But my minds not happy with that peaceful picture, so it generates a story - any story with content juicy enough to try get me to bite the hook.
I observed the moments it took me in and consumed me.
I observed the mind ricochet off multiple pain points when it wasn't satisfied with just one.
I watched the pain points multiply.
I watched them dance with each other for company.
I witnessed 'the feels' spinning out to match the multiple stories.
Ah what Beautiful Chaos!
If it had colours to match it would have looked like a breathtakingly magical kaleidoscope.
And so I take another deep breath, for what feels like the millionth time today...and just watch, observe, allow.
"The cause of all problems is the mind. No exceptions" .
"Yes but what about what's happening to you? God your heart feels like its gonna break in a million pieces...again! Really!? ... What about that pain? What about those feelings?. What about what happened last week?What about what happened Tuesday, and remember how Tuesday links back into what happened last week? And remember how that went 4 years ago when the world burned around you? Remember that hurt from then, that reminds you of that pain from that other time? You're so alone right now, you know that right? Hey...hey!? Are you listening to me? You can't ignore me forever, you need me! I'm all you've got kid! Ice cream and chocolate sauce would be very tasty right now! You need to sleep, you're exhausted. You look like shit. You're sleeping way too much actually. You have a shit ton of shit to get done around here, why you lying there? Get up! Are you listening!!!!?? Hello!?
"The cause of all problems is the mind. No exceptions".
2x2=4 4x4=16 16x16= 256 256x256 = 65,536 65,536 x 65,536 = 4,294,967,296
That's how the mind works!
That's how fast its amplifies and multiplies the uncontrollable, the unchangeable, the outside world, the distorted thoughts, the suppressed feelings, the undealt-with emotions.
That's how overwhelmingly big they get. How fast it travels.
The rain falls.
The thunder rolls. The hand-pan melody he plays is medicine for my heart. His voice in my ears, medicine for my soul.
Right now, in 'my' now moment, everything in the world is perfect.
Everything is unfolding just as it needs to, everything is phenomenally out of my hands.
And until the tide carries the next wave to crash or gently grace the shore of my life with its presence, I honour the mind fighting to thrive and survive, as I choose to offer my attention now to my breath...one beautiful life altering breath after the next.
Note to self....The next time you feel the pull to "try work it out", "fix shit", "solve", "dodge" "deflect" "avoid", "ignore", "procrastinate", "try understand why?"....
The cause of all the problems in your world right now is that mind of yours!
Not him/her/them/that/when/if/why......YOUR mind!
Breathe and just be here now.